Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
