i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
