im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
