honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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