i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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