Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
