Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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