I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
