True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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