just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
