just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
