God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
