oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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