i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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