i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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