I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
