I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
