I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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