OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
