I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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