So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
