I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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