your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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