Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
