if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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