You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
