im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
