we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
