So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Don't make out with my wife yet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
