I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
