my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
