Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
