that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
