i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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