Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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