So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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