It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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