i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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