Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
