Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
