I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
