I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
