saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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