I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
