We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
