even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
