Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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