also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
