If that was your dad, he is hot
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
