I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize