just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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