when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
