someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i will never coherently bang her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
