Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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