Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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