Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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