he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize