I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
