my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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