i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
