just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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