I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
