Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
