Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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