I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
