Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
