so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
