It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we're making bets on your personal life
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
