i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just pee around me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
