I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
