if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
