This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
