I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
